Yesterday was a better day than today. I wrote an article about Taming the Chaos: 5 Principles for Creating an Effective Routine. And then today I realized that I actually listed SIX principles, and no one noticed. (Or maybe they noticed, but never told me.)
It was one of many things that went "wrong" today. I didn't feel like getting up this morning. I was lazy. I got on the computer and scrolled (1,000 pageviews on my article! Wow!). I didn't get up to fix breakfast until after 8:30. We didn't eat until 9. We DID do school... thankfully it was a light day and we were finished by lunch time.
But I didn't clean my kitchen. And I didn't do any chores, even though the bathrooms need cleaning and I really ought to go to the store at some point and pick up some things.
I'm not sick, I'm not overly tired, I'm not unhappy... I'm just... bored. And lazy.
That article I wrote yesterday? It's all good on my motivated days. But what about my unmotivated days? How do I get up and keep going when I just... don't wanna?
Some days I still don't know the answer to that question.
Some days I just wallow. I wallow in the laziness, in the sense of my own inadequacy, in the tinge of guilt that I feel for not doing "more."
But you know what?
Some days I NEED to stop and rest, and the guilt is misplaced.
But other days I'm just being lazy, and I ought to get up and move.
I just have a hard time sometimes figuring out which day is which.
But I have something good to say!
Now, stick with me here. Don't let your eyes glaze over because you've heard this so many times. Just slow down a bit and let it soak in:
Even when I'm at my worst, Jesus loves me.
In fact, He knew I would be this miserable person who keeps getting new chances and messing them up, and yet He loved me anyway. (See Romans 5:8!)
Here is the beautiful paradox:
-Jesus, blameless and pure, loved me and took my sin and my wretchedness upon Himself and allowed Himself to receive my judgement. (1 Pet 2:24)
-Now, because Christ took my place, when God looks at me, I am blameless and pure. I am loved and made able to love others, without a speck of wretchedness remaining. (2 Cor 5:21)
You see, when I get stuck in myself, focused on me and all my problems, it's really hard to get out of that place. But when I stop and look at Him, I get pulled out of myself and am free to be me.
I am so not able, folks. He makes my heart to beat and His Spirit breathes life into my lungs. He has given me my precious children and He alone gives me the strength to keep going on the days I just don't wanna.
"I have learned the secret of contentment in any and every circumstance. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."